Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
