whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
