K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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