yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
