I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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