Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i came on her dog
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
