I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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