Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
