You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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