She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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