i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
