I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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