i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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