i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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