Yo dont text me then not text me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
