When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
