im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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