drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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