I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She bit a glass in half.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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