Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
