6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
soo... how was my night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
