You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
