Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need water and some morals
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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