That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
