I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
