fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dick very happy bro
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
