or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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