Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
