Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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