there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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