Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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