I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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