so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
