Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
