the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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