Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize