Dude my mom stole all your condoms
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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