You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize