R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
