I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
