hell yes lets make some ravioli
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
