Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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