Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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