My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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