Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
