they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
