bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
