This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
