i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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