Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is wine microwaveable?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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