none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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