She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
