grandma shit on top of the toilet
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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