We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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