bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
