I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
