OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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