he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
