Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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