I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
