can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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