I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
